‘All of us are on a journey, whether we know it or not.’, says Louise Hay in the movie ‘You can heal your life’. I believe that is true. Life is a journey and, as Abraham-Hicks say, I take it for the joy of the journey, the experiences I have during it. It’s not so much about reaching the destination. Today, here, I want to share some of the exhilarating experiences I’ve had on this journey.
I was living my life like most of us do … unconsciously but not aware of my unconsciousness. I’m not using the word ‘unconscious’ here in the medical terms, where one is not able to perceive anything through his/her five senses. I am talking about an unawareness about the fact that there is much more to perceive beyond our five senses! Unconsciousness of the power each one of us has within, the power to create our lives and experiences. However, there came a time in my life when I was granted this awareness and it changed my life forever. It came in form of a heartbreak … my heart was broken … open.
The excruciating pain that filled my heart, mind and body initially made me unable to think anything beyond, “Why me? What have I done to deserve this?” The status on my social media profiles was, for many days, “Radhika wants to know why … and there is no answer.” But the answer came … not in one grand moment of revelation but it came in bits and pieces, in small bites I could manage to chew and digest with my mind-body-spirit. Now in retrospect, I can see how the Universe conspired to answer the “why?” that was troubling me by bringing me certain friends, events, books and DVDs. I am going to summarize this journey of transformation here.
The first piece of puzzle came in the form of a DVD a close friend gave me. The documentary was called ‘What the #$*! do we know!?’. With a name like that on the jacket, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect and it was good that I didn’t expect anything. Because the documentary was like a treasure trove I had been seeking for years! What the bleep … interweaves a story of a woman like you and I with some fabulous animations and mind-boggling interviews with scientists and religious leaders. I had been very interested in the confluence of science and spirituality since my teenage years and always felt that there was more to both the disciplines than us humans knew then. The scientists and doctors in What the bleep… talked about the latest discoveries in Quantum Physics and how these were pointing to the possible way in which the Universe worked, which was in accordance with spirituality. The documentary intrigued me enough to start looking for more similar works and they started appearing in my presence out of the blue!
In a completely unplanned visit to a Borders bookstore, I ended up in the ‘spirituality’ aisle, a very unusual place for me to go in a bookstore until then. There, a book attracted my attention and I ended up purchasing it. ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. I had never heard of the author before! I devoured that book hungrily and for the many days that followed, I felt bliss and serenity like I had never felt before. The days just before I found What the bleep… had been emotionally and psychologically very chaotic. So this new-found bliss and serenity was a very welcome change. I had become aware that I had the power within, which, if I wished to make proper use of, would make me the creator of my own life. I had become aware of the God inside of me, and the bliss and serenity I felt was this Universal power, Source, God, energy that had always been within … only unexplored and untapped. However, I still didn’t quite seem to figure out, how did the lifelong, loving relationship I had tried to have turned out to be a nightmare? The answer came … but this time, as a flash of realization in a split second!
I was on a tour of New Zealand at the time, travelling in the Trans-coastal train that took me from Picton to Christchurch, along the beautiful coast of the South Island of NZ. Years later, I remember the moment vividly. I was reading a book titled something on the lines of ‘Top 10 mysteries of the world’, that featured monuments like Stonehenge and phenomena like the Loch Ness monster. Not very spiritual, was it? It was during this read that I had a flash of realization, “Oh my God! I have created the life that I have! It is exactly as I want it to be!! The nightmare of a marital relationship included!!!” I acknowledged that I had reasons for not having a pleasant marital relationship. In a split second everything seemed to, weirdly enough, fall in place. I felt a pang of sadness in my chest, which was quickly replaced with an exhilarating joy of realization that if I could create “the bad” and “the ugly”, I could also create “the good”. The bliss I felt after this moment had a different flavor to it than the one I felt after reading Eckhart. I believe there was confidence that my ego felt along with the serenity of the God within. I had gotten the much needed “proof” that I had created my life all my life, only unknowingly.
Once in Christchurch, I went to the botanical gardens on the Christmas day as there was nothing much else to do. When I stepped on the freshly-rained-on grass barefoot, first time ever in my life, I had the experience of feeling one with the Universe. The huge trees seemed to caress my head with their low branches, as if to say, “I’m right here with you and always will be. Release all the worry. You are a magnificent being, like me.” I cried standing there under a tree, barefoot on grass, feeling the connection with Mother Earth and the unconditional Love that was present everywhere. When I returned to Australia, the new year that began was like none I had experienced before. Like none I had experienced before … the first half of the year made that statement true in a positive sense and the later half, not so much in a positive way.
After the divorce happened in India, I came back to Australia, with a zeal to start my life over and with a determination to create it the way I really wanted it. Hardly did I know, the learning curve had just begun! The compounded stress of ending a nightmarish relationship and having not-so-nice people to deal with at work pushed my mind-body over the hilt. I was hit with an auto-immune condition shortly, which became unmanageable quite soon. I flew back home to get treated and found an excellent doctor very quickly who treated the dis-ease in her best capacity. Of course, the doctors only treat the symptoms and not the cause of the dis-ease in the body, which is always on the emotional, psychological, energetic level. I didn’t know this at the time but the Universe had the next assignment ready for me!
Yet another new year came and I was given a book written by yet another unheard-of author, by an aunt of mine. The book was titled ‘You can heal your life’ and the author was a pleasant-looking woman with orange-ish hair, named Louise Hay. The title kind of made me feel good because I was aware enough at the time to realize I needed to heal. However, I wasn’t quite expecting the kind of healing Louise helped me through. Yes, the read felt like Louise was right there beside me, telling me all that the book contained, in her loving and compassionate voice. She didn’t judge me, berate me or made me wrong. She, in fact, taught me to love myself exactly as I was. At the time, ‘exactly as I was’ wasn’t a very attractive scenario! I had open skin lesions all over me, I had lost a lot of hair and was bald in a couple of places, I had a “swollen” look because of the high dose of steroids I was on. Not something very easy to look at in the mirror say “I love you, Radhika. I really love you!” But Louise gave me the strength to do so. As much as the medicines played role in healing the symptoms of the auto-immune condition, YCHYL healed the auto-immunity (self-attacking nature) of my psyche.
After discovering Louise, I have never let go of her and never will! My hunger for self-awareness increased exponentially thereafter and to the day, I have discovered innumerable authors, books, movies, podcasts and spiritual principles. This is a continuing journey and, once again as Louise says, “We always keep learning.” I have mentioned only a few of the titles in this summary that have been instrumental in my transformation.
Of course, my healing process had a lot more layers I needed to uncover and heal. So life has brought me more lessons and challenges since. While I have never had a relapse of the autoimmune condition, I have had yet another challenging marital experience, and passing away of both my parents that has opened up a can of worms and lead me to do childhood trauma work through clinical hypnotherapy, regression therapy and movement therapy. I am quite proud of myself for being able to work on myself so deeply while also mothering a special needs child. She has brought me much joy and pointed me in the right direction on my healing journey, simply by being who she is!
Through my holistic business, Radiance Holistic Wellness, I offer various life-transforming online courses and workshops for those looking to become whole again. I have also been a contributing author in the best-selling book, Heart to Heart : The Path to Wellness, published by Älska Publishing.
This summary will keep expanding as I live more of my life.